Do anything you want...but NEVER, EVER buy too much cake

As of next week I will have made the dreams of 22 blushing brides and golden grooms come true. I've tied probably 500 ribbons, I've lit probably 1000 candles, and I've watched from the wings as dozens of loved ones stand up and bestow their most heart felt congratulations on these people. There is one thing I have learned: don't buy too much cake. I mean that literally. And figuatively. I haven't kept track of all of these lovely couples, but, you can all assume that from the 11 weddings I have been a part of in the last 352 days that not all of them will survive. Of course no one enters a marriage thinking it will end but in this day and age the statistics don't lie. Please don't misconstrue this post to be me wishing bad things upon these people. This is more a bit of advice...don't buy too much cake. Don't get so excited about the cake and go over board. Don't get in to something that seems really exciting and then before you know it you've made a decision you can't back track on.
Each wedding I throw about 5-7 pounds of wedding cake away. That's A LOT of money going out with the trash. Sure, when you buy it you have the thought in your mind "ohhhh I love wedding cake, I'll take it home and my family will want to eat it." First of all, do not be glutenous. Sure, it's good. (In fact, one of the highlights of my job having wedding cake around all the time) But let's all remember the feeling of eating too many sweets. Our mom's told us when we were young not to eat too many sweets...and I'm saying it again. Second of all, don't just think that everyone around you wants your wedding cake. Nobody wants your leftovers, it's messy and sticky, not to mention awkward to transport, and it gives everyone else a stomach ache too. So don't get all caught up in fondant flowers and a monogram made of out icing...think about your actions before you buy too much cake.

It's a hair style not a social fixture.

Well, it’s another lovely day in the neighborhood. I was thinking of all the things I wanted to share today but given my particularly sour mood at the moment I don’t want to dive in to the topic I’d really like to discuss: the dating game. Instead let me tell you about two things that should never happen-mullets and scrunchies. Literally my two BIGGEST pet peeves. Not to name names but, there are some people in my life (not by my own choice, but rather by circumstance) who regularly violate these fashion rules. Here’s the simple fact…mullets are out. I have never once in my, albeit short, life looked at someone with a mullet and said “wow, awesome hair cut.” The thing I find the funniest about mullets is that these people continue to go and get their hair cut in the same way. If you really sit and think about it, mullets are a pretty high maintenance hair cut. Maybe these people just think that they’ve put so much time and effort in to maintaining that horrible social fixture on their head that they think it’s too late to turn back? Scrunchies: out with the 90s ladies and gentlemen. I am the queen of accessorizing, more power to you. One good accessory can make an entire outfit BUT when I say accessory, putting a scrunchie around your wrist that may or may not match your outfit is NOT considered an accessory. Further, God forbid you decide to put a scrunchie in your hair, under NO circumstances is it ever ok to also wear one on your wrist as if at any moment the one you have in your hair and you’ll need a back up one. The truth about today: thank you Midwestern mullets and scrunchies for perpetuating the hillbilly reputation that plagues the entire central portion of the country.

Introducing..

I’ve decided to join the 21st century and start blogging. I’d say the chances of many people reading this blog are about as good as the chances of Whitney Houston’s “come back” taking off. Either way, if you are reading this- I hope you either get a good laugh out of it, or learn some type of valuable lesson from my crazy mistakes that I will, no doubt, post here for the world to see. I mean, let’s be realistic people, I’m a SWF living in the Midwest, product of a of a right wing conservative NRA member and just like every other child in America, I should probably be laying on the couch in a shirnk’s office at least once a week to talk about my childhood issues, what I’m going to share with you probably isn’t going to be anything new. I just tell the truth. I don’t think there is enough truth telling today. If you ask me if I like what you’re wearing, I’m going to tell you the truth and don’t expect anything less. If you don’t want your feelings hurt then you probably shouldn’t ask me. I just call them like I seem them. Let me tell you one more thing about me-I believe wholeheartedly in the “Golden Rule” I will treat you exactly how I would like to be treated. So far, that hasn’t really paid off for me because people don’t live by the same rule but I’m pretty sure one day it might. Stand by for the next little tid bit...